I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
