sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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