Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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