And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
