She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
