That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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