I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
