She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
third nipple confirmed
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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