i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
