i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
