Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
