You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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