update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
