This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
