Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Operation Purity has been aborted
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
