I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize