I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
