Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
