i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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