We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
