omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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