here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
