i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
