i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
