My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
