Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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