I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
