remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So much Jack, so little girl.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
