so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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