I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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