How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize