I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Randomize
