Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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