I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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