i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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