your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
