oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
