I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
