If i could tip my vagina, i would.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
