I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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