Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
