probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
