but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
