he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
