Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
