I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
