I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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