That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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