Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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