Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
