never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
