It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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