Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
