we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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