I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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