Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
