I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
