My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize