lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
