My friends, they love my intelligence
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
