Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
