They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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