I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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