she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
