We got so high we made milksteak
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
