My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
