Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
