Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize