Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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