I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
