I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
