we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
