i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
