Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
