He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
